Christmas

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Feliz navidad, mi amor.

We were so prepared. I thought it would hurt, so we made christmas ornaments for you. The 21st was the winter solstice, and six months since you were born. Then three days later, wham!, christmas. We prepared, with crafts and pictures, and as always, talking of you. Friends throughout, with broken hearts and missing babies of their own, we held each other and remembered our little ones together.

But all the moments and the required merriment and the hurt treaded through me with heavy marching steps.

Your godmother, she gave me a gift. It is a little half moon, some kind of colored rock that speaks of you. She gave me a hug and a kiss, and I left tears on her shoulder. Tears of missing you, and of thanking her- so much – for remembering you with us.

And you dad, my darling girl, he saved christmas. He got your brothers a guitar and a ukelele, and he spent these mean christmasy days playing and singing for us. Melancholy, fun, and full of love for the lot of us. He also cleaned and cooked and picked my clothes up off the floor. He took care of us. I made cookies and your dad made christmas be ok.

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